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  • Writer's pictureC.T. Madrigal

Gender Offender

Updated: Aug 18, 2023

Not sure why, but lately I’ve called myself genderfluid. I’ll admit though: I do like that my gender fluid has a penile spout. I enjoy my package; if you saw it, held it, you’d enjoy it too. Truth is, I don’t want lady parts, in fact I’m afraid of them. I remember seeing my mother’s muff; as a child I wanted to run in directions far and away from her drunken bush. If you saw it, you’d run too. (Hey, Mom!)

Afraid may be the wrong word. It's more like the feelings I have about canned asparagus. It's the childhood worry that adults would make me eat it. I know some folks love 'asparagus', but I believe I have an allergy. Oddly though, sexy transmen seem to be my EpiPen. I've wondered if all that makes me sexist, but I think it just makes me gay.

I haven't just called myself “genderfluid," I’ve also said nonbinary. I think it sounds very computery, very modern; I like it. And most recently, I say agender.

For me, the agender word works best. Maybe because it sounds like it could be shorthand for 'antigender', and antigender is how I feel. By that, I mean I am against the expectation of gender behaviors, or the enforcement of gender requirements, or the expulsion of gender variety.

Me, getting dolled up (photo is from my book San Fransicko.)

I remember, as many gay boys do, preferring to hang with the neighborhood girls. I didn’t envy them, I didn’t want to dress like them, I just felt safer with them. Now though, as an adult, I limit myself to women a little less. Many of my female friends talk about their boyfriends and their husbands a bit much, and about their kids too; I don't much relate. As an adult, I have no preference between male and female friends. I do however harbor the wistful want for transgender and nonbinary buds.

Philosophically, I do have second thoughts about a third sex. Among them, I worry that it’s just another gender click. I saw an androgyny expert being interviewed recently, they (their pronoun of choice) were explaining how the nonbinary like to dress, describing the clothes they prefer to wear. Are you serious, I thought to yell at the TV, you’re assigning another gender-based costume?

Long skirts, she explained, and button up shirts.

What about beaded gowns? I screamed, quietly, to myself. Can’t a nonbinary dress like Cher at the Oscars if they want to? Can’t they? Can’t they?

Nope. It’s mid-length coats, sensible shoes, and cardigans—nonbinaries love cardigans.

Shut up, you hypocrite, I wanted to yell, but there were still several Funyuns™ in my mouth, shut up!

I have concerns about transgenderedness too. Not the usual ones—I don’t care where people pee, and I don’t mind if a little of it gets on me. But I worry that some of my transgendered friends burden themselves with gender performance, that they too are abiding the world's stereotypes about girls liking dresses and boys liking trucks. I’d hope that if anyone awoke in the wrong sex, they wouldn’t much care…no more than if we woke up in the wrong elbows. Me, I might be pissed at the suggestion that I should shave my legs, but if getting gangbanged depended on it then I’d probably shave them smooth. As a girl, I’d be a terrible feminist, but I don’t think I’d be crushed (emotionally) by my big new boobs. Really though, I didn’t wake up in the wrong body, so I should just shut up about it. Hir body, hir choice.

Whatever my situation, if a government form gives me boxed choices, I’ll check UNGENDERED. I don’t feel passionately genderless, it’s just my protest against everyone who feels passionately to the contrary (I’d check the SATANIC box for the same reason), and it's my solidarity with everyone who is gender courageous, or gender oppressed. My crotch is top notch, but it really shouldn’t dictate my interests and hobbies, my clothing, my income, my ability to drive or to get an education, nor my electability. Like I said, my crotch is handsome, smart too, but it’s not a reason to elect me president.

Gender warrior, Genesis P-Orridge (photo from Wikimedia Commons)

As for pronouns, I love typing s/he when writing about Genesis P-Orridge (it makes me feel very cis-white-woke), though I use mostly male pronouns for myself. I think it’d be tough to remember 8 billion preferences, case by case. As for everyone else's pronoun preferences, I'm happy to do my best. If someone passes a petition to make all people-pronouns gender neutral, I’ll sign it. In fact, if no one has started that petition then I might write it myself. And there will be a gofundme campaign, so please, donate generously.

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